Go to Sleep
Hello!
Sleep is tricky. So many children who I work with have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. The funny part is that often parents have normalized what “good” sleep is when they have a child like this. Parents will often say, “Sarah only woke up twice last night” or “it only took us 45 minutes to get John to fall asleep.” For the record, that is not great! So, here is what I recommend.
Around bedtime, many parents complain of having a child who becomes hyper and dysregulated, like a puppy. Because regulation support is the most effective when it is done preventatively, start this routine after dinner.
The first thing.
Wrestling.
Not WWF wrestling, but wrestling with rules. The rules are that you cannot stand up or jump; the parent and the child will be on all fours or kneeling. Your goal is to give your child a lot of resistance and deep pressure during the wrestling. I would give yourself about 20 minutes to do this activity because there can be a point a few minutes in where it starts to feel wild and crazy, but if you stick with it, the energy dissipates.
If you are not a fan of wrestling, set up a place where your child can run and either jump into a bear hug in your arms or “crash” into a couch or pile of pillows. Both of these activities support regulation by releasing serotonin and dopamine in the brain, which are the neurochemicals your child wants to fall asleep.
Why? When a child is more anxious or stressed at their baseline, their ability to come down from that state to a restful one is a huge jump. The brain waves have to go from a highly anxious Beta state to a restful Theta state, and then to a deeper Delta sleep; this is a significant jump. This jump can contribute to the difficulty of “calming down” before and during bedtime.
This next tip might sound weird, but stay with me. Children who come into your bed at night might be craving your connection (and your smell). Take off the shirt you have been wearing all day (because it smells like you) and place it over their pillow case or give it to them to snuggle. You can also give them other smelly garments to have in their bed…I’m serious.
As you are reading to your child or tucking them into bed, the last step is to provide your child with a of slow, deep touch. This can be done with a weighted blanket or with your entire body or with your hands. Deep touch releases dopamine and is one of the main neurochemicals that allows for that calming feeling. Think of how you feel after a massage; this is the feeling you are inducing in your child by giving that deep pressure.
Other tips for your child’s sleep might be more obvious. One is to feed your child protein closer to their bed time. The children I work with are generally very impacted by drops in their blood sugar, which significantly impact their regulation. The other is to cut out light in the bedroom and reduce light prior to bedtime.
There is this book called Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker that contains all of the tips and tricks about sleep. I highly recommend this book, but I also understand that reading is not realistic for busy parents who are sleep deprived. Regardless, for more information on sleep, check out this book.
OK. Problem solved! It’s time to live a life unboxed.
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Yours truly,
Natalie
